Home Alone

I moved into a flat by myself almost a year ago and lately I have been reflecting on the realities of living alone. I feel it is firstly important to mention that I am writing this in my pants, a big baggy sweatshirt with no make up, occasionally pausing to eat peanut butter straight out of the tub with a spoon. Living alone facilitates a kind of grossness which is absolutely delicious most of the time. It can also be awful when you see something SHOCKING on TV and have no one to dissect it with – take the ending of The Jinx, for example, which I binge watched alone and MY GOD not being able to speak to another human about that final scene IMMEDIATELY was vastly problematic. By and large though, it is fantastic and I am here to share some of the key things I have discovered in the last 10.5 months… 

You can be a dirtbag. But you aren’t. Mostly.

You don’t have to tidy up for anyone so you’d think you would live in ABSOLUTE squalor. In reality, most of the time you remain quite tidy. It turns out your natural instinct to want to live in a pleasant environment will kick in so you won’t sink too deep, even IF you have cream sodding carpets and no dishwasher.

Having said that, be prepared to leave the flat in a such a state every so often that you think as you’re leaving the house “I hope I don’t die today, because I’d be well embarrassed if anyone found this mess”.

You can be a decor princess. 

I probably have really terrible homeware taste according to 97% of the population. I like really girly things, and endless candles and the odd MOTIVATIONAL postcard. SUE ME. It helps to actually motivate me so stop judging me for being a cliched monster. Not having to compromise on decor and having the things you REALLY WANT creates just the happiest of environments.

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You still wear clothes

Loads of people who I told I would be moving in by myself said stuff like “oh amazing, you can walk around naked all the time!” as if it was a wonderful thing. This was a legitimate turn off to me and I became genuinely quite scared that I would accidentally become one of those people who swans around naked all day and from there it would be a hop skip and a jump away from nudist bike rides and naked weddings and I would end up on the local news somewhere. However, I have happily discovered that yes you can walk around naked all the time, but you basically don’t. In fact, the same instinct I have always had kicks in and whenever I walk from the bathroom to my living room in the nude to collect a towel or something I literally cover my boobs with my hands “just in case”.

The TV is your Oyster

Watching whatever the heck you want without judgement is just the best.  I recently watched THREE ENTIRE SERIES of Catfish over a three week period and fell madly in love with both Max and Nev and no one was there to judge me or ask me why I don’t have a life. It was brilliant. Except sometimes I do it with shows like 24 and I end up thinking I am actually IN the show and everyone is a terrorist and I look round my shoulder all the time. Yeah, that’s probably SLIGHTLY unhealthy. Still though, MAX SWOONS. 

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You will end up talking to yourself. And it’s fine.

This morning I accidently dropped my shampoo in the bath and I apologised to it.  I spoke to my ham because I wasn’t sure whether it was still ok to eat. I speak to myself about arguments I’d like to have (I am fundamentally scared of arguments and NEVER say what I want so I just have them with the wall so I aired all concerns). In short, I regularly chat to myself and I am totally ok with it. In fact, I recently read that talking to yourself is actually GOOD for your mental health so I have printed this article out and pinned it on the wall to reassure myself. 

You Become A Proper Adult

There is literally no one else to explain bills, meter readings, council tax, electoral registers and so you are forced to educate yourself. This last year, I have learnt about leaking toilets, blocked sinks, broken boilers. It is annoying as hell but makes you feel like a legitimate grown up for the first time – it’s quite extraordinary what you’re capable of.

You don’t need to share food.

AS IF this needs an explanation. The explanation is: It’s food. It also makes it super dupes exciting when you have a dinner party and DO share your food. You feel like GHANDI.

YOU NEVER GET WOKEN UP BY SOMEONE BEING REALLY NOISY.

Ah, sleepy bliss. On that note…. GOOD NIGHT. xo

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3 thoughts on “Home Alone

  1. I lived alone for just under a year and it REALLY is the best. I am quite a messy person, but was at my tidiest living alone because I took pride over *MY* space 🙂 not having to compromise on anything is amazing, picking all your own food, everything. I love it.

    also, not having anyone to talk to is why group messages exist! binge watching shows together 🙂

    sometimes tho, living on the ground floor of a set of flats did get a bit creepy, but it proved i’m not as much of a cry baby as I thought!

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